"Someone isn't telling the truth and I want the lies to stop and I want them to stop NOW!," a woman named Amita shouts to the top of her lungs as she circles her father's office in the middle of the night. For the past three weeks her name was slandered with malicious accusations that she did the most awful thing a person could do to someone she loved with all her heart.
The room was large and had two lamps in the entrance but Amita didn't bother to turn them on. Sliding her hands across the white office walls that glowed from the street lamp outside, she noticed that her head felt funny; it throbbed as if it had collided with something quite hard and her stomach felt vacant and queasy. The emotional trauma that she had been dealt was taking its toll and tonight she realized she couldn't take anymore. "Every day there is something new; new gossip brought up behind my back and there isn't a goddamn thing I can do about it." A mess of thoughts raced through her mind and she continued to circle around the office. "I am helpless and those that have accused me of that horrid thing won't even look me in the face and talk to me. These cowards are going to fess up to what they have done and I will get my life back." She was in a hazy fury and her entire body felt like hell had taken over. Again, she paced around her father's office and ran her fingers across the wall. And then stopped. She felt something hard, smooth and cold. It was one of the five rifles that hung on the wall of the office. She looked around and began reading the plaques above her father's gun collection out loud. "Winchester 1892, Winchester 1893, Winchester 1894..." Tears rolled down her cheeks and the tiny seed of betrayal that was planted merely three weeks ago grew larger, stronger, and filled her soul with a fire that she was about to unleash. "Winchester 1895. I choose you." She pulled the gun off the wall and sputtered, "I will take each one of these guns if I have to and put it to those liars head's if that's what it takes to get the truth." As she said these words, she imagined having the people that began the nightmarish rumors tied to a chair, unable to move as she pointed the gun at their head. These people- two girls that she was only an acquaintance with would be squirming and plea for their lives "Perhaps the only way to control all of this is to threaten these people by threatening to pull the trigger." Her thoughts continued with questions unanswered. "Why would someone want to ruin my relationships and destroy my life? I barely even know these girls. Is there really that much unwarranted hatred in this world? How naive I am to believe that everyone has goodness in their heart and to trust that people are honest." With that final thought she put the gun down, slumped to the floor and decided that there is a learning experience in everything. And on this night, she learned that she had been too trusting and while there may not be a reason for any of this, her naive trust in others is what put her guard down and blinded her from seeing the truth. Is her trust and belief in the goodness of others foolish? Should she trust no one from this day forward? Her answer was simple: "No, I will continue to be who I am and I will always have trust in others however, my trusting eyes are not as innocent as they once were, and due to this, I will be more cautious as life goes on."
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
This is not my world
I awoke and realized I am in hell. I can't escape it and I cannot find solace in a world that offers none. I am in a fiery pit of instability and I cannot control most of it. What I can control is feeble but perhaps the most feeble of acts are the most significant. And that is what I hold on to and how I move forward each minute, each hour, each day.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Appearances
Last week I met someone who mentioned that the Sci-Fi Lounge is back and this time its home is in Crestwood Plaza. The grand opening was Saturday and I got a wicked idea. I had never been to this place but something told me it was a hangout for gamers, computer nerds and the like. So, why not show up dressed in Goth? From time to time I enjoy walking the streets looking silly or wearing something totally out of my comfort zone for the night. It's more or less of a social experiment coupled with entertainment for my mind.
I gathered a few friends and we met up at a Chinese restaurant before heading to the lounge. There was only three of us and while we didn't look way freaky we definitely looked like Marilyn Manson groupies. Black eye make-up, black lips, and just about black everything. I felt crafty and cut my tank top in half and put it back together with large safety pins. I might actually wear this out again-it looks super cool! Anyway, we showed up to the Chinese joint, sat down and ordered. What should have been a yummy dinner turned into an obnoxious, laughable and outright rude affair. When our waiter approached us, he looked down at us with judging eyes. We each stated what we wanted, he wrote it down and then repeated our order. However, what he repeated wasn't our order at all! If this guy didn't have an American accent I would have thought nothing of it but unfortunately that was not the case. Once again we told him our order and he appeared to get it the second time.
First, we got our appetizers and everything was pretty good. Then, we got the first part of our meal: Soup. I as well as my friend R ordered Hot&Sour and N ordered Egg Drop. R and I got Hot&Sour while N was given chicken noodle. Upon telling the waiter he got the wrong soup, the waiter retorted "No, you ordered this. I heard you say noodle, not egg." N, not wanting to pick a fight calmly accepted the wrong soup as we waited for our main course. Once again, the orders turned out all wrong. I was given the wrong chicken dish and N was given fried rice instead of white. The waiter scoffed when we told him our order was wrong and truly wasn't going to fix it. He ran off and we stared at our plates, then at one another in shock. What kind of waiter gives you the wrong food, mocks us when we tell him we didn't order what was in front of us and then walks away? Finally, we flagged him down and he gave us the right dish but of course he had to tell us that he was right and we were wrong.
I had not felt this type of discrimination since I died my hair dark brown once and got a super tan from being in a desert for two weeks. People would look at me like I was a "terrorist". I think it was my nose. Or possibly I had some sand residue. Maybe it was both. Or neither. Anyhow, the point is that i am always amazed at how quick people are to judge and you are treated so differently simply by the way you dress or put on your make-up. It's sad because what if I was actually attracted to the Goth look and it made me super happy to dress it but then I would get repeatedly treated like shit. Perhaps that's the point of Goth? Regardless, the asshole waiter was not given a tip and received Hell Money instead.
Hell Money is a form of Joss paper that looks like money. It usually comes in the form of giant denominations such as 500,000,000. Joss paper are sheets of paper that are burned during traditional Chinese ancestor worship ceremonies or at Chinese funerals to ensure that the spirit of the deceased has money for the afterlife.
Knowing that the Chinese culture is rich in superstition, I gave our waiter a Hell Note because in Chinese culture, receiving a Hell Note is very, very bad luck. Don't mess with Goth kids yo'!
As for the Sci-Fi lounge, they welcomed us with open arms and it made my inner geek glow knowing that my kind of people happen to be open and accepting. I even got compliments on my red shoe laces and black chucks. While the place itself isn't too fantastic, I can see it as a place to meet other cool geeks.
I gathered a few friends and we met up at a Chinese restaurant before heading to the lounge. There was only three of us and while we didn't look way freaky we definitely looked like Marilyn Manson groupies. Black eye make-up, black lips, and just about black everything. I felt crafty and cut my tank top in half and put it back together with large safety pins. I might actually wear this out again-it looks super cool! Anyway, we showed up to the Chinese joint, sat down and ordered. What should have been a yummy dinner turned into an obnoxious, laughable and outright rude affair. When our waiter approached us, he looked down at us with judging eyes. We each stated what we wanted, he wrote it down and then repeated our order. However, what he repeated wasn't our order at all! If this guy didn't have an American accent I would have thought nothing of it but unfortunately that was not the case. Once again we told him our order and he appeared to get it the second time.
First, we got our appetizers and everything was pretty good. Then, we got the first part of our meal: Soup. I as well as my friend R ordered Hot&Sour and N ordered Egg Drop. R and I got Hot&Sour while N was given chicken noodle. Upon telling the waiter he got the wrong soup, the waiter retorted "No, you ordered this. I heard you say noodle, not egg." N, not wanting to pick a fight calmly accepted the wrong soup as we waited for our main course. Once again, the orders turned out all wrong. I was given the wrong chicken dish and N was given fried rice instead of white. The waiter scoffed when we told him our order was wrong and truly wasn't going to fix it. He ran off and we stared at our plates, then at one another in shock. What kind of waiter gives you the wrong food, mocks us when we tell him we didn't order what was in front of us and then walks away? Finally, we flagged him down and he gave us the right dish but of course he had to tell us that he was right and we were wrong.
I had not felt this type of discrimination since I died my hair dark brown once and got a super tan from being in a desert for two weeks. People would look at me like I was a "terrorist". I think it was my nose. Or possibly I had some sand residue. Maybe it was both. Or neither. Anyhow, the point is that i am always amazed at how quick people are to judge and you are treated so differently simply by the way you dress or put on your make-up. It's sad because what if I was actually attracted to the Goth look and it made me super happy to dress it but then I would get repeatedly treated like shit. Perhaps that's the point of Goth? Regardless, the asshole waiter was not given a tip and received Hell Money instead.
Hell Money is a form of Joss paper that looks like money. It usually comes in the form of giant denominations such as 500,000,000. Joss paper are sheets of paper that are burned during traditional Chinese ancestor worship ceremonies or at Chinese funerals to ensure that the spirit of the deceased has money for the afterlife.
Knowing that the Chinese culture is rich in superstition, I gave our waiter a Hell Note because in Chinese culture, receiving a Hell Note is very, very bad luck. Don't mess with Goth kids yo'!
As for the Sci-Fi lounge, they welcomed us with open arms and it made my inner geek glow knowing that my kind of people happen to be open and accepting. I even got compliments on my red shoe laces and black chucks. While the place itself isn't too fantastic, I can see it as a place to meet other cool geeks.
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