I love Twitter. No, not really

Update: While Twitter had the potential to ruin my day, and did make me miffed for a few hours, it in fact made my week. Maybe even month. After reading Augusten Burrough's Twitter, I found out he was here in St. Louis. Even more exciting, he was at the library across from my house. I was irked that I had a class at the same time he was doing a lecture and book signing and moped about class. After class, I decided I was going to take my chances and head to the library. To my amazement, the doors were not locked and I was able to get in line. Since the line was nearly diminished and I was the last, I only waited a few minutes before I got to meet the somewhat flamboyant and hilarious author. This put a smile on my face. According to Augusten( we are now on a first name basis), I have Roman features he would kill for. He settled for a photo with me instead.

Even though it was Twitter that announced Augusten's arrival I still dislike it, on principle, and nothing will change my mind on that.

Twitter Dee, Twitter D'oh!

Whenever I turn on the news or get my daily fix of TV shows, I keep hearing the word "Twitter". What is Twitter? Over the weekend, I set to find this out. As my in-the-know boyfriend explained, it is a micro-blog, allowing only a hundred or so words. It appears that people are using it for constant, by the minute updates on news or celebrity gossip. This idea is bizarre to me and I was easily able to dismiss all the Twitter nonsense and go on with my weekend.

Until today.

Today, I logged onto Myspace to see if one of my favorite authors, Augusten Burroughs, has put out a new book yet. As I browsed through his update page I found a link. It said "Twitter Updates." Since I could not find the answer to my question, I boldly clicked on his Twitter. Lo' and behold, my answer was there. His new book comes out in October. In the meantime, he is still touring to promote his latest book, Wolf at the Table. The kicker: he will be at the St. Louis Public Library Headquarters, right across from my house, today at 6pm. I have always wanted to meet the guy that makes me laugh page after page, but alas I have a class that meets once a week on Monday nights. All I can say is that Twitter has ruined my day. I would have rather not known that I was missing an awesome event.

So, beware of the dangerous perils that lie ahead before you innocently click on a link that directs you to the evil Twitter.

The Best Worst Date

I met him at a synagogue. he was cute, smart, funny and had blue eyes. It was the blue eyes that really sucked me in. We talked about ten minutes before services started and then we quietly parted to pray(I sort of just sat there while others exchanged words with the imaginary), sing and flirtatiously stare at one another from across the room. After services, we exchanged phone numbers and two days later he was at my front door ready to take me out. It was the stereotypical date- dinner and a movie. We arrived at an Italian restaurant chain and upon sitting down he showed me the coupon he had. It was a coupon good for two free meals from the following selection: Eggplant Parmesan, Spaghetti, Linguine or Raviolis with a side salad. I looked at him thinking he was joking-he wasn't. I kept quiet and thought to myself " Wow, that's one way to impress a date..." I ended up getting the eggplant and although it was pretty yummy, it felt so weird and wrong to have my dinner almost decided for me. Of course my date thought his coupon was wonderful since he didn't have to pay a cent, except for the tip. We left the restaurant and then he took me to see a movie. As we drove on over, he asked me if I liked cartoons.

"They are alright. Why do you ask?"I responded as we pulled up to the movie theater.

"Well, I have two passes to see Over the Hedge and thought I should use them before the movie was no longer showing," he stated matter of factly.

I went along with it but I was in utter shock accompanied with amusement. First, it was dinner with the use of a coupon limiting what I could order and now I couldn't even pick the movie I wanted to see because he had "Free Passes". As we walked in to see Over the Hedge he asked me if I wanted a large coke or a regular popcorn as he pulled out a crinkled coupon from his wallet. "I have to choose?" I asked. "Well yeah, because it says on here that it is only good for one free large coke or one free regular sized popcorn," he replied. I started laughing and told him to get the popcorn. He left to get the popcorn, clueless of how cheap he was making himself look. The date ended with him asking if he could call me and I responded saying "Well, I can only talk after 9pm since that is when it is free but, at 9pm I'm at work and cannot accept phone calls." Needless to say, I never saw him again but he certainly made a lasting impression that is now called "The Best Worst Date Ever".